The root of any family troubles is considered to be the problems of communication between husband and wife. However,
for the very reason, deeper. We analyze the nine of the most common reasons leading to a crisis of relations.
Difficulties in family communication are not a reason, but a consequence of a problem, a reaction to it. But the spouses usually come to the psychotherapist’s office with a clear attitude to solve the problems of communication, and not what caused them.
Imagine a boy who was lifted up on the playground, so that it came to a fight. At the height of the brawl, the teacher comes and makes an erroneous conclusion: the boy is the instigator, he must be punished, although he only answered other people’s actions. About the same thing happens with family relationships. The difficulties of communication are the same boy, but the true instigators of the “fight”.
1. Changes
All people change over time, and this is normal. When going to the crown, think not about what your named is now or what you want to see him in the future, but about how he intends to become. Help him in this formation just as he will help you in your.
2. The flight from loneliness
Loneliness is a natural state. Marriage cannot completely save us from him, and when we feel it, we begin to blame our partner or look for intimacy on the side. In marital life, people simply divide loneliness into two, and in this joint being it is scattered. At least for a while.
3. The load of shame
We all drag him along. Most of the youth we try to pretend that it does not exist, and when the partner accidentally causes a memory of the shame we experienced, we blame him for the emergence of this unpleasant feeling. But the partner has nothing to do with. He can’t fix it. Sometimes the best family therapy is individual when we learn to work with a sense of shame, and do not transfer it to those we love.
4. The desire for victories
From childhood, the ego served us with protection, helped to experience resentment and blows of fate. But in marriage it is a wall that shares the spouses. It’s time to destroy it. Replace defensive maneuvers with sincerity, revenge – forgiveness, accusations – apology, strength – vulnerability, and authority – mercy.
5. Accusations
Life in general is a confusing thing, and marriage is no exception. When something goes wrong as we wanted, we often blame for this partner. Stop pointing with a finger at each other, better pick up hands and look for a way out of the situation together. Then you can go through life and downs together. Without a feeling of guilt and shame.